...{Capturing Life's Emotions} KrashingMotions: {2011} The Year to be ME

I have to say {2010} was a year of trials and tribulation, challenges & growth. I had this battle within myself. I felt that the chaos of life was consuming me. The entire year I felt as if I was searching for balance, searching for acceptance, searching really for myself. Who was I? Who was this person I had become? Was this the real me? Am I worthy? Am I a good mom? Am I where I want to be in life? I felt maybe as if I was lost. I was lost in this jungle of searching for success & distanced from my responsibilities as a mother & wife. I didn't completely neglect my family. I spent much time with them but my mind and heart weren't really present.

Just 2 days before {2011} arrived I felt something different in my heart & soul; it was sense of confidence and positivity that I had been searching within myself for a while. It's bazaar how you can search for a feeling, try to make changes to achieve this feeling and once you actually just let it go, it comes to you!

So come the last quarter of 2010, I started to make positive changes in my life little by little. My main goal was to take ownership of my life and not let my work's achievements or failures consume me any longer. This has been something I have struggled with forever. It's hard to hear "We REALLY love your work but we decided to go with someone else, sorry. We'll be sure to recommend you to someone else though." It took 3 years in this industry for me to realize, you can't win them all and you can't let the rejection painfully instill your mind with doubt.

So I worked on my mind and my soul to LET IT GO!

I can't even describe the feeling I have right now but it's good and I don't feel as if I'm in desperation to find it because the feeling I was missing for such a long time has arrived within me all on it's own.
So in {2011} I am no longer yearning for the search of happiness, success or confidence. I have set it free and IT found me.
{2011} I shall just BE!

Do you ever feel like that? The daunting feeling of soul-searching to figure out happiness?
If so, then let it go...
& just BE!

So I am still a work in progress, and I still face the daily challenges of balancing my family & work. I have to remind myself to not lose myself in the chaos. I have to accept the chaos as well and not fight it.
I will and always will try to balance this juggling act of life but I will no longer stress about it. Yes there are dishes in the sink right now while I blog... and I'm not going to stress about it~ "Honey You might want to get on that because my mind is at ease while I work."
I have to remember I am me, I accept me and I will continue to be a better me.

Many things have helped me through this self-discovery of acceptance:
my family & friends, my peers, my love for art & beauty, my peace of mind that life is what we make of it, and two books that I fell in love with as well...
of course everyone's fave "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert
& "Release Your Brilliance" by Simon T Bailey (whom I had the pleasure to see HIS BRILLIANCE in action).